


quit while you're ahead

by weatheredlaw



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Incest, Pseudo-Incest, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-12 23:23:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2128326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weatheredlaw/pseuds/weatheredlaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Epsilon <i>wants</i> Carolina to see he's falling in love with her. And maybe he wants to get punished for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	quit while you're ahead

It isn't a secret he can keep. He lives in her head, and there's nothing they can hide from one another. Epsilon balks with the thought of it, created while she's asleep. He'll be lucky, and only just, if she wakes up and it isn't sitting right there. But honestly, there's a part of him that _wants_ her to find it, to see what he feels for her and do something with it. He knows what he is to her, sure, but maybe there's a part of him that wants her to see how strange this is and rip him out of her head.

Epsilon _wants_ Carolina to see he's falling in love with her. And maybe he wants to get punished for it.

 

 

 

"That's fucked up, Church."

"I'm not--"

"I call you Church. It's what you are."

"First off, Church? Not a _what_. Second, you call me that because freaking _Caboose_ and everyone else calls me that. It's not who I am--"

"It's who you are," she says bluntly. "Delete the feeling. You're a program. Get yourself under control." 

 

 

 

If he's based on the man who was her father, what does it mean that his only wisd is to have hands? Just so that he might touch her. Just for a moment. 

 

 

 

"I told you to get _rid of it._ "

"And I told you to _fuck off._ " 

"I can't work like this, Chur--" Carolina stops, takes a breath. "Epsilon. I can't do this." 

"You think I like this?"

"I think you do, yes. I think you like fucking with me, and I think you like making this go on in my head."

"Our head."

Carolina growls. "Newsflash: this is my head, and you're the _thing_ I let live here."

"I love you," he says simply. 

She groans, "Yeah, I fucking _figured that out_ already."

 

 

 

But, later, she turns onto her side and he appears next to her. Her helmet is off and her face is outlined by the moon. She's let her hair grow out. He likes it. 

"You don't love me like you think you do, Church."

"I feel _something._ "

"It isn't real." She stretches out her hand and he steps into it, unfeeling just as much as she. It's a game they play -- can I make you real, if I think just hard enough? "She was my mother."

"I'm not him."

"I didn't say that," she says gently. "I'm saying you're confused. Because you've let her go, the one constant in your life. You let her sleep, and now you don't know what to do. You've followed each other for years."

"She wasn't mine," Epsilon says. "She was his. I'm just--"

"Don't finish that sentence. Because whatever you were going to say? It isn't true."

"Maybe."

"Church." He looks up. Sometimes, it feels good to hear that name. "I love you, too. But not like that."

"I don't understand this feeling. It's like love, but it's something else, too," he admits. She nods. "It feels bigger than that."

"If I lost you, I'd be lost," Carolina murmurs. Epsilon can see she's falling asleep. "We need each other. Maybe that's...that's what you feel." She yawns and closes her eyes, leaving him there, in the palm of her hand, wishing he could be real for once, just so he could have some weight in this world. 

"I won't lose you," he says. "I won't ever lose you."

**Author's Note:**

> i've finally hit the end of season 11, which was all new stuff for me. but i was watching the end of season 10 last night and i just had this weird feeling, i don't really know. it's a relationship here that i feel could be expounded on. i don't think epsilon could ever really learn love or process it, not like people can, but he has a memory of the feeling essentially, and love is a multi-faceted thing. it's a bit freeform and not very organized, but it was in my head so.


End file.
